asphyxia

The grains inside the hourglass started to fall, signifying a beginning.

Start.

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4

My form materializes. I feel the weight of my body anchoring me once again to something.

Insight’s eyes opened to the sight of her half bare beloved.

Really, it is a miracle that Maya was still here with her. The soft, voluptuous feeling of Maya's body against hers— impossible to recreate. Every inch of her skin was overcome with Maya.

This close, it would be impossible for Maya to forget about her salvation assuming the form of this twisted woman hovering above her.

She pushes Maya back onto the soft sheets.

From the edges of her hearing, she could faintly hear Maya's yelp. Sharing every gasp, their accelerated heartbeat, the tremble of their tangled limbs in a never ending and intimate tune.

The way Maya's body reacted to every bite she left on the nape of her neck — It's almost like what you'd feel when taking the stars in your own hands.

What was weaved into the milky way, you'd find would also be etched on the vast expanse of Maya’s skin. You'll find yourself at the top of the universe, when she seeks to press her lips with hers.

What other words must she utter to describe how Insight wanted her entirety— to watch her back arch from every murmured praise?

What price must she pay to coax every sweet ‘please’s? It is all consuming, to which Insight would find herself chanting her god’s name with a wish to feel every inch of her, just to find respite in the midst of insanity.

Yes. It's, in every sense, filthy. But how she yearns for it, and more— it does not make any difference from an act of worship. She'll find that Maya had pardoned her, from how she grasped  the fabric of Insight’s clothes in an attempt to urge those distracting layers off and pull her into a passionate embrace.

Maya… It's a shame, you know?

Do you expect me not to notice? Whenever I gaze into them as I wish, your eyes would go on, and on, and on… Like a deep sea, they seek to drown. Why must they rival the deepest void between the gaps of worlds? The spark in your eyes has gone silent, too…

Maya, even though some aspects of you have changed, you're still so selfish, aren't you…? I find myself enticed by your mystery once more, even as you've burned my heart to the ground.

I need to know more, dearest Maya. The incessant thrum of your heartbeat seemed to respond to my wish. 

The thought of it stirred something inside me, and my nails formed crescents on your chest.

You must have known already… but even if your heart beats, there is nothing underneath, darling. You'd only find webs of glass threads weaving your form, akin to a spider's den.

You are made out of the same fragments of memories that have haunted you. It's very tragic.

Ah… but don't you worry. It is all the same for me, Maya. For I intend to cut your open, so that I may know all of you—

Maya does not attempt to stop her. Insight’s breath runs ragged.

Your tender lips gushed blood out as it curled up slightly. Go on, you mouth out encouragement.

How gorgeous… How vulnerable…

She must know.

Oh—

Simply knowing is not enough. No… she must feel…

The weight inside her chest threatens to make her breathing heave. The desire to taste what Maya could offer beside love—

Soon, Insight would come to realize that it wouldn't end in closure. No, deep down, she would never be satisfied with that. Instead, her clothes would be covered in shattered grime — what she'd call ichor, with a weak, pulsing ‘heart’ she gently cradled in her hands.

How ‘artificial’ it is… but how real it is. Her fingers brush against the jagged ends of the ‘heart’.

Your heart feels incredibly tender. I laugh coldly as I hold it close to my heart.

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3

How fascinating you are, Maya.

I always find myself wondering: are you really weaved out of Arcaea? It is unheard that such a soul could be hidden in a world that has been torn to shreds; that is presumptuous.

Your soul is one of a kind, even amidst this sea of souls. Perhaps, that is why I can't take my eyes off you.

Maya. Have I told you what I thought of you?

You, you are extraordinary. Your sense of righteousness is admirable, and you are steadfast… I find it all endearing. Those traits — they make up a whole that is called ‘Maya’, a unique existence. And that is beautiful. Even more so than the threads that make up countless worlds.

Your soul is like an unyielding, dimly lit candle in the midst of a storm…

Hmm, I apologize if a measly candle is too little of a comparison for you. Indeed it does not hold any light when juxtaposed with your existence, after all.

You're also stubborn and very selfish, Maya. You seek nothing but to chase after salvation— not knowing what kind of salvation is waiting for you in this meaningless world. 

It reminds me of —

Ah. It’s unusual for me to look back to the past. Another line of thought only you could coax from the deepest parts of me. Aren't you really special, Maya? I digress.

I've never been drawn to anything quite like you. 

Did you know, your two-colored eyes and hair stood out the most when I parsed through world after world, Maya? Had I not catched a glimpse of you, I wouldn't have discovered this realm of ruins and memories.

After knowing the ins and outs of Arcaea, as a god, I have never desired more than to drive you away from it — any danger, dearest Maya. When the time comes, I'll only listen to you.

Solemnly, I admire you from a distance like I always do. Only admiring from afar, but never meeting your gaze. It saddens me that we're more than a touch away from each other.

My entirety aches for you. Yearning, for an instance, has been nothing but painful. It not only hurts you, but also hurts me, my heart.

Though fear not, for I'll have you in my arms soon, Maya. What fate cannot give, I'll take you for myself… Then, after that, I'll provide a safe haven for you, so that you may not find that meaningless, unjust realm of any importance.

Our paths shall converge soon. May you never leave my side forever, in life nor death— in every sense or retries.

Maya, oh Maya! It's such a shame. Darling, I know you are watching.

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2

Nonsense. Nothing leaves my sight, Maya… that includes you. You're my most treasured possession. An eye-catching ruby in a pile of gold — rubbish, when compared to your shine. How naive of you, to think I'd not be opposed to your recklessness.

I merely wanted to keep you safe in this little cage of ours. Is that really far-fetched?

Perhaps I shall chain you to this hell as your punishment… No, that can't be. Deliverance is more suitable for a being like you… ah, choices, choices.

Just like every thought of you, it fills me with nothing but a flame… and it excites me all the same.

You — only you would come to satisfy this unquenchable thirst of mine. I'll never let you go.

Take love as a saving, blind affection as a means to an end.

Every tremble of you against my embrace — I feel it deep inside me, your touch cutting through skin. Every trickle of your tears — my, how innocent, as I savor every one of your sobs. Keep wailing, so I may taste your sweet struggles. 

I've once heard that if you gaze into one's eyes, you may learn something… in a sense. They are captivating. Pretending. Observing you, those eyes may be full of deceit, but rather, it dulled to something akin to a prey’s hopelessness. But really, it is laced like a facade. You are not one, that is certain. Are you?

Pretense has never suited you, Maya. You have always been honest. Your dullness is striking, in the midst of this fabricated world.

Those two colored eyes, what remained of it has long since run out. These fraying threads of time — the unstable thrum of the world, as if one was thrown and immersed in an illusion that came with it. As if they whispered: you do not belong here.

It feels wrong, but you are still tangible, and it makes my heart skip a beat. That is what matters the most.

Little troublemaker… it has been the five hundredth attempt — why don't you take a bit of respite here?

Silly me. Hard to mistake; just as the samsara is crumbling, your presence is also dwindling day by day, dearest. It’s fruitless to believe in empty hope and such, but I'll wait for you.

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1

Wait for me—? 

A string of red tangled on Maya's limbs— devoiding her of any way out of this twisted bliss. Even in death, they would come to pull on her tighter. The sound of sand trickling steadily to the bottom of the hourglass in her own hand was like a lullaby to Maya.

No matter what she did, thrashed and attempted to break out, the strings held her form taut, rendering her powerless.

There is no saving… Time would then try to heal, though here, it held no significance. Venom had laced every strand, containing the feeling of Maya’s desperation.

But, do not be mistaken. She is perfectly content with where she is.

It can't be helped; someday, she knew that she'd eventually succumb to that strange love. To crave the feeling of those touches that made her feel alive in the middle of helplessness. Before she realized it, her heart was already taken away, like freedom to a caged bird.

Take me away. Rinse and repeat as your heart desires...

It echoed.

Got you. Chains clinked along with every of Maya's struggles. Finally, a trace of Lacrymira's soul. This wait was painful— After all the cycles she initiated… 

“Ah… yes—”

It must be relief that coursed through her veins at that moment.

It was set.

With shut eyes and a listless smile, Maya tips the hourglass that is in her hand once again. Not with the intent to reset this time, but rather to terminate.

“I am taking you away.”

The cage was borderless. Despite that, she still sought the keys in Lacrymira's hand.

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0

Maya…

Endless outcomes, yet only a path remains. I found myself falling into a state of uncertainty in the fabrics of time. Heavy. Oppressing. All I can feel is myself… and the trails of you, lingering in the deafening silence.

I grasp deep into my own fragment, and shut my eyes tightly as I drown. The bright ray shines down into the endless depths, waiting for me on the surface. I do not know what awaits me, except for you.

I would've never thought I'd see the day you'd defy fate. Countless times, countless tries, yet you never wavered. Not even once, not even by my intervention.

As the liminal space around us pulls and shoves, I feel my consciousness about to leave me.

I am aware that I will soon cease, so I will admit this honestly, from the bottom of my heart: I don't believe in second chances, Maya. Facing death — it is undoubtedly scary, but I don't have any qualms with facing the inevitable, you know.

Ha, I don't think I want to let you go… but is there any option left for me?

But then, you suddenly appeared! Like a beacon of light, you seemed to share your shine for me, as if to challenge that very question itself. And isn't that tearful?

However, you don't seem to think so. Even in my last moments, I still find myself pondering: Why do you still insist on holding to those flawed ideals of yours?

Nevertheless, how you're so… so adamant — that is what ultimately makes you you, whom I love dearly.

And as I’ve welcomed all in the past… of course I'd welcome you too, Maya. Reason does not prove itself important at this moment, as my stained hands reached out to you.

You've always held the answer in your hand. As your voice wavers, those parted lips narrowing to a thin line. Without hesitation, I pulled you in.

Let bitterness and sweetness engulf your senses. Take my hand and lean in so you may savor the sweetness of your decision, and what it means to greedily take, take, and take. Over and over, in this hell of our making.

The border between life and death fades. All uncertainty crumbled away as our gazes met, and finally, we fell into an embrace.

I've quite missed you.

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A/N:

Early entry; I want to spare more time for a craft project of mine.

I was suddenly disinterested while writing. Frankly, i think the issue that demotivated me to continue doing this fic was a non issue, but it hindered my own ability as a whole enough. Therefore, it IS an big issue.

Not gonna lie, something's been bugging me on my mind and it's PISSING ME OFF. GOD.

And I'm not even kidding. I just want to write more shikimaya, but that thing which has been bugging my mind would come to demotivate me all of the sudden in my mind. I am so drained, hence the... dubious quality of this piece of writing? This is worse than my usual works.

Anyways, forgive me. God I need a vacation..

I will not be writing anything other than shikimaya (That is my whole career, duh.)

I think this is obvious, but I just cannot force myself to... talk about anything else other than shikimaya—this isn't a corporate way to say idgaf... Haha.

I think Insight and Maya is made for each other. Not by fate, but they tailored each other for one another. That's beautiful. My OTP... I will legit shed tears over only shikimaya.

Very dramatic! I applaud myself.

Life update I've come to be defensive over them over time. Oh my baby dolls... Crying nobody gaf but i might get REAL sensitive about them nowadays.

Maya is soooo cute... Fuck you Insight

I actually checked what time was it on the US so I can upload on the dead of night for them.

Signing out!

(Edited in June 16; adding some finishing touches!!!! Shout out to the shower)